Quotes on Funny

Isn't beer the holy libation of sincerity? The potion that dispels all hypocrisy, any charade of fine manners? The drink that does nothing worse than incite its fans to urinate in all innocence, to gain weight in all frankness?

Of course, Behaviourism 'works'. So does torture. Give me a no-nonsense, down-to-earth behaviourist, a few drugs, and simple electrical appliances, and in six months I will have him reciting the Athanasian Creed in public.

If my mother hadn't laughed at the funny things I did, I probably wouldn't be a comic actor. After she had her first heart attack, the doctor said, 'Try to make her laugh.' And that was the first time I tried to make anyone laugh.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

Diane Keaton is good for women in and of herself. She's smart and funny and real.

You meet folks who are funny and really smart and persistent and loving that are confronting this thing we call poverty, which is just a shorthand for this way of life that holds you underwater. And you just wonder what our country would be if we allowed these people to flourish and reach their full potential.

It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much.

If you don't like the road you're walking, start paving another one.

My favourite comedian, of course, is Tim Conway. He has a way about him - being that belly-laugh kind of funny, and he has the improvisational skills, too. I've never seen anybody better.

The dog is very smart. He feels sorry for me because I receive so much mail; that's why he tries to bite the mailman.

Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will cause a lot of trouble, a humorist will still say the funny thing. No matter how inappropriate.

It's much easier for me to make major life, multi-million dollar decisions, than it is to decide on a carpet for my front porch. That's the truth.

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say 'I want to see the manager.'

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

In some families, please is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was sorry.

War and drink are the two things man is never too poor to buy.

Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep; whoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let us drink beer!

money is not everything but it ranks right up there with oxygen

At fifteen, my mind was bent on learning._x000D_ _x000D_ At thirty, I stood firm._x000D_ _x000D_ At forty, I had no doubts._x000D_ _x000D_ At fifty, I knew the decrees of Heaven._x000D_ _x000D_ At sixty, my ear was receptive to truth._x000D_ _x000D_ At seventy, I could follow my heart's desires without sin.

I have heard it said that a complicated childhood can lead to a life in the arts. I tell you this story of my father and me to let you know I am qualified to be a comedian.