Quotes on Funny

The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward.

Accuracy to a newspaper is what virtue is to a lady; but a newspaper can always print a retraction.

There cannot be good living where there is not good drinking.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

The reason why so few marriages are happy is because young ladies spend their time in making nets, not in making cages.

If you're not sure what to do with the ball, just pop it in the net and we'll discuss your options afterwards.

Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one.

Be bold. If you're going to make an error, make a doozy, and don't be afraid to hit the ball.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.

Music is spiritual. The music business is not.

Our attention span is shot. We've all got Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD or OCD or one of these disorders with three letters because we don't have the time or patience to pronounce the entire disorder. That should be a disorder right there, TBD - Too Busy Disorder.

Give me a guitar and I'll play; give me a stage and I'll perform; give me an auditorium and I'll fill it.

Off the floor I'm really laid back, like nothing really fazes me too much. But on the floor I do get emotional and a little carried away. However, I started playing when I was 13 to have fun with my teammates, and that never stopped. I enjoy traveling and having fun in the locker room with the guys. Life is too short to be miserable.

I observe the physician with the same diligence as the disease.

If, sir, men were all virtuous, I should with great alacrity teach them all to fly. But what would be the security of the good if the bad could at pleasure invade them from the sky? Against an army sailing through the clouds neither wall, nor mountains, nor seas could afford any security.

The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears it is true.

I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself.