My girlfriend still doesn't know why her sweaters are always stretched out..

My girlfriend and I went to a dinner party the other night and we ended up playing charades. There was another couple there that was deaf. They were ….

My favorite thing to do is to wind those guys up by hitting on their girlfriends. I say, 'I think your girlfriend's gorgeous, but it's all right, I'm….

I cannot keep a girlfriend longer than seven months. I have 12 jobs. I don't have time for my personal life. I'm fully aware that this is the sacrifi….

Arguing with the girlfriend. Mid argument she says "Were you on Monday night Raw last night?" I had no comeback..

People are talking about sex. They're talking about sex with their husbands. They're talking about sex with their girlfriends. They're talking about ….

Larry David called me and said, "You can never watch The West Wing again. Either the show is going to be great without you and you're going to be mis….

Start dating someone who is funny, someone who has what in high school you called a "really great sense of humor" and what now your creative writing ….

I don't date civilians. I don't even try. I'm totally out of the game of dating or trying to get a girlfriend or anything like that..

Umpires are like emotional girlfriends, once they make up their minds, there is no point in arguing.

Every night, my girlfriend comes home from work, and she brings with her a houseplant. She's like, 'Anthony, I had to pick this up. We need a housepl….

I sound awful saying it but I think it can be like that. I see a lot of people in unstimulating relationships. And not just boyfriend-girlfriend rela….

So you play your albums and you smoke your pot And you meet your girlfriend in the parking lot Oh, but still you're aching for the things you haven't….

I think you couldn't do this role or you couldn't be Frankie Valli himself unless you had a natural falsetto. And I had sort of discovered it by acci….

Even if you've gone through an average childhood, you have girlfriends who get pregnant and then have to choose whether or not to have a child. And t….

Happiness is when you see your husband's old girlfriend and she's fatter than you..

Tell your girlfriend or wife you love them everyday. Like I do!.

Destruction is a true sign of devotion. As I always tell my girlfriend when she threatens to kill me. 'You should kill me and it would tell me that y….

I made mistakes. I can’t whine about it. I’m the one that messed up and I’m paying the consequences. However, if I am given a second chance, I won’t ….

There's plenty of girlfriend roles out there. They've come my way, and many people have turned them down, and I think, "Oh maybe I could do something….

I'm in love with 'Bravo.' Me and my girlfriends love 'Bravo-ing,' which doesn't necessarily mean watching 'Bravo.' It's when you're a bum and you're ….