Quotes on Humor

I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.

Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business.

I was once on a German talk show, and this woman said to me, 'Mr. Williams, why do you think there is not so much comedy in Germany?' And I said, 'Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?'

When a man's dog turns against hime, it is time for his wife to pack her trunk and go home to mamma.

A jest often decides matters of importance more effectively and happily than seriousness.

My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes.

It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?

There is a level of cowardice lower than that of the conformist: the fashionable non-conformist.

The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head.

Action is the foundational key to all success.

The most fatal disease of friendship is gradual decay, or dislike hourly increased by causes too slender for complaint, and too numerous for removal.

There is wisdom in turning as often as possible from the familiar to the unfamiliar: it keeps the mind nimble, it kills prejudice, and it fosters humor.

Heaven will be inherited by every man who has heaven in his soul.

The Church is not a gallery for the exhibition of eminent Christians, but a school for the education of imperfect ones.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

In brief, sir, study what you most affect.

Humor is everywhere in that there's irony in just about anything a human does.

Sin cannot tear you away from him [Christ] even though you commit adultery a hundred times a day and commit as many murders.

Sexual intercourse is kicking death in the ass while singing.

Some men are like musical glasses; to produce their finest tones you must keep them wet.

But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.