Quotes on Humor

The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.

What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us.

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman.

Money and success don't change people; they merely amplify what is already there.

Instant gratification takes too long.

Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes.

We need to have a little humor in our lives. .If the time ever comes when we can't smile at ourselves, it will be a sad time.

When will all the rhetorical questions end?

Baloney is flattery laid on so thick it cannot be true, and blarney is flattery so thin we love it.

We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.

I'm an atheist and I thank God for it.

I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know it because I was so happy all the time.

A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.

Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Comedy is the kindly contemplation of the incongruous.

It is characteristic of all deep human problems that they are not to be approached without some humor and some bewilderment.

I'm in the public eye, so I don't care who knows what I get done. If I see something sagging, dragging, or bagging, I get it sucked, tucked, or plucked.

My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.

Humor is the affectionate communication of insight.