Quotes on Humor

The lure of the distant and the difficult is deceptive. The great opportunity is where you are.

I loved when Bush came out and said, 'We are losing the war against drugs.' You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.

Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.

Humor has bailed me out of more tight situations than I can think of. If you go with your instincts and keep your humor, creativity follows. With luck, success comes, too.

Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense.

I find flaws attractive. I find scars attractive.

I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.

We trust, sir, that God is on our side. It is more important to know that we are on God's side.

If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.

Fill what is empty, empty what is full, and scratch where it itches.

She was only a prostitute, but she had the nicest face I ever came across.

Why are they all staring?" demanded Albus as he and Rose craned around to look at the other students. "Don’t let it worry you," said Ron. "It’s me. I’m extremely famous.

If you let your head get too big, it'll break your neck.

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.

A home without a cat — and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat — may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?

I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.

One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.

I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.

If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.