Quotes on Humor

When you come right down to it, the secret to having it all is loving it all.

The mark of greatness is when everything before you is obsolete, and everything after you bears your mark.

So, please, oh please, we beg, we pray, go throw your TV set away, and in its place you can install, a lovely bookcase on the wall.

Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.

A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life.

You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude.

If I can get you to laugh with me, you like me better, which makes you more open to my ideas. And if I can persuade you to laugh at the particular point I make, by laughing at it you acknowledge its truth.

Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humor.

When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

Why anybody gets my sense of humor I never know, but I do know that when they do, I keep them as close as I possibly can.

If you're black, you got to look at America a little bit different. You got to look at America like the uncle who paid for you to go to college, but who molested you.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!