Quotes on Humorous

If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

The two real political parties in America are the Winners and the Losers. The people don't acknowledge this. They claim membership in two imaginary parties, the Republicans and the Democrats, instead.

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

I am not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Please don't retouch my wrinkles. It took me so long to earn them.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

There are two things that are more difficult than making an after-dinner speech: climbing a wall which is leaning toward you and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.

If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce.

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.

Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result.

He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

Of all noises, I think music is the least disagreeable.

O Music! Miraculous art! A blast of thy trumpet and millions rush forward to die; a peal of thy organ and uncounted nations sink down to pray.

Advertising is like learning - a little is a dangerous thing.

I never tell one client that I cannot attend his sales convention because I have a previous engagement with another client; successful polygamy depends upon pretending to each spouse that she is the only pebble on your beach.

History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.