Quotes on Humorous

If there was sadness in this creative world of mine, it was a pleasant sadness. If there were problems, they were humorous problems.

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas.'

The only church that illuminates is a burning church.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

It has long been recognized by public men of all kinds. . . that statistics come under the head of lying, and that no lie is so false or inconclusive as that which is based on statistics.

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.

And the only people I fear are those who never have doubts... Save us all from arrogant men, and all the causes they're for.

I believe that all women are pretty without makeup- but with the right makeup can be pretty powerful.

Money is like manure; it’s not worth a thing unless it’s spread around.

I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers.

Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.

There seems to me to be absolutely no limit to the inanity and credulity of the human race. Homo Sapiens! Homo idioticus!

People are wrong when they say opera is not what it used to be. It is what it used to be. That is what's wrong with it.

I would like to die on Mars. Just not on impact.

Here is the piece. If you can't say fornicate can you say copulate or if not that can you say co-habit? If not that would have to say consummate I suppose. Use your own good taste and judgment.

Learn to help people with more than just their jobs: help them with their lives.

He was of the faith chiefly in the sense that the church he currently did not attend was Catholic.

Criticism is prejudice made plausible.

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.

It is a sad truth, but we have lost the faculty of giving lovely names to things. Names are everything. I never quarrel with actions. My one quarrel is with words. The man who could call a spade a spade should be compelled to use one. It is the only thing he is fit for.

You shall know the truth, and it will make you odd.