Quotes on Humorous

A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.

Looking back, I realize that my life has been a series of incidents where one person has said to another, "Get this asshole outta here!"

Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to pare compare clothing.

If I ever lose my mind I hope some honest person will find it and take it to Lost and Found.

You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like; generally, it's an inconvenience.

I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.

To me, fast food is when a cheetah eats an antelope.

The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.

I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes; I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.

Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.

Why do they bother saying "raw sewage"? Do some people actually cook that stuff?

We're not supposed to mention f***ing in mixed company, but that's exactly where it takes place.

If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?

As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.

I hope we're not just human garbage drifting toward a big sewer. But I think so.

Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

Anyhow, all mankind's ideas and interests, all human aims and motives, are exhibited, fully formed, in a three-year-old child. The kid is just operating on a smaller scale and lacks the advantage of having made enormous soft-money campaign contributions to political candidates.