The most colossal display of wise, inspiring, and humorous metaphors ever exhibited in one place..

There's nothing wrong with being an agitator..

Don't talk yourself into not being you..

An unshared happiness is not happiness..

You wouldn't know how to perform a sketch that you don't find funny. You just couldn't do it..

Only the autodidacts are free..

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing..

Maturity is only a short break in adolescence..

I look into eyes, shake their hand, pat their back, and wish them luck, but I am thinking, I am going to bury you..

I was always interested in doing it, but I was so content with my life that I didn't really go after it..

Humor is really one of the hardest things to define, very hard. And it's very ambiguous. You have it or you don't. You can't attain it. There are ter….

First, there was Confucius. Then, the sayings of Chairman Mao. And now the pithy, ironic, and humorous insights of Ai Weiwei. I thoroughly enjoyed re….

Everything is out there. That's why they call it everything..

Touch her, and I'll freeze your testicles off and put them in a jar. Understand?.

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back..

I can't complain, but sometimes I still do..

God is the tangential point between zero and infinity..

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder..

Tokyo cab drivers are all ex-kamikaze pilots..

All British castles and old country homes are supposed to be haunted. It's in the lease..

The more I work the happier I am..