I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap..

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems..

If I were in this business only for the business, I wouldn't be in this business..

Do I have an option? when asked by the press if she was "running as a woman.".

The witty woman is a tragic figure in American life. Wit destroys eroticism and eroticism destroys wit, so women must choose between taking lovers an….

Food is an important part of a balanced diet..

Now it was just the three of us: the leader, the warrior, and the kid about to wet his pants. Guess who I was..

It's very witty and it's great to see teenage characters have control that way. And you can actually hear about sex and pot and it's okay, it's not c….

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better..

I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it..

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul..

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it….

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing..

Most women defend themselves. It is the female of the species-it is the tigress and lioness in you which tends to defend when attacked..

When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you're rich. If your name is on your desk, you're middle class. And if your name is on your shi….

The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss..

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected..

In politics we presume that everyone who knows how to get votes knows how to administer a city or a state. When we are ill... we do not ask for the h….

Tell them to stand closer apart..

Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex..

Normally you have news, weather and travel.....but not on snow day, on snow day news is weather is travel..