I started on 'Saturday Night Live' the same time Conan started on 'Late Night.' We just had a relationship because I would be upstairs in the studio ….

If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not selling advice..

If there is a reason to believe in God, it would be the Havana Leaf..

If I could do what I want with my eyes alone, I would be happy..

My three P's would be pray, pray first. Second, prepare, and then persist..

If both sides reduced their long-range missiles by 50%, SDI would be an unacceptable threat to the remaining Soviet rocket forces..

I couldn't tell you the ratio, but probably for every job you see me do, there would be 20 rejections..

If everyone could learn that what is right for me does not make it right for anyone else, the world would be a much happier place..

My intention is not to make clothes. My head would be too restricted if I only thought about making clothes..

It would be contrary to the spirit of the American Government to use force to subjugate the South..

You can't think about terrorism without thinking about Palestinian terrorism. Palestinians began international terrorism. It started with them in 196….

And yet," said Poirot, "suppose an accident-" "Ah, no, my friend-" "From your point of view it would be regrettable, I agree. But nevertheless let us….

Failure is my best friend. If I succeeded, it would be like dying. Maybe worse..

All fiction is lies – if it weren’t, it would be biography, history, or reportage..

My life wasn’t how I planned it would be. It wasn’t even close. It was a thousand times better..

If war breaks out, I will fight for Hitler since such a war would be against Jewry..

I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.' I don't own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most….

Had we taken all of Iraq, we would have been like a dinosaur in the tar pit - we would still be there, and we, not the United Nations, would be beari….

A chrysanthemum by any other name would be easier to spell..

When I started in this [music] business, I had a dream, but it was amorphous, and I had no experience. I just had a fuzzy notion of what life would b….

About half the practice of a decent lawyer is telling would-be clients that they are damned fools and should shut up..