X, n. In our alphabet being a needless letter has an added invincibility to the attacks of the spelling reformers, and like them, will doubtless last….

CONSOLATION, n. The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself..

PRE-ADAMITE, n. One of an experimental and apparently unsatisfactory race of antedated Creation. . . . Little its known of them beyond the fact that ….

Irreligion - the principal one of the great faiths of the world..

Absence blots people out. We really have no absent friends..

The god of the world's leading religion..

A penny saved is a penny to squander..

Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery..

Politeness, n: The most acceptable hypocrisy..

Road, n. A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go..

LANGUAGE, n. The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another's treasure..

I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats..

A comely female inhabiting the Mohammedan Paradise to make things cheery for the good Mussulman, whose belief in her existence marks a noble disconte….

The best kind of onion soup is the simplest kind..

Honorable, adj.: Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach. In legislative bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honorable; as, "the ho….

IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership..

A less popular name for the Second Person of that delectable newspaper Trinity, the Roomer, the Bedder, and the Mealer..

A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others..

What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ru….

REDRESS, n. Reparation without satisfaction..

Damning, with bell, book and candle / Some sinner whose opinions are a scandal. / A rite permitting Satan to enslave him / Forever, and forbidding Ch….