To seek a justification for a decision already made..

LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed..

CONGRESS, n. A body of men who meet to repeal laws..

An army's bravest men are its cowards. The death which they would not meet at the hands of the enemy they will meet at the hands of their officers, w….

As a means of dispensing formulated ignorance our boasted public school system is not without merit; it spreads out education sufficiently thin to gi….

GEOGRAPHER, n. A chap who can tell you offhand the difference between the outside of the world and the inside..

MEDICINE, n. A stone flung down the Bowery to kill a dog in Broadway..

A large stone presented by the archangel Gabriel to the patriarch Abraham, and preserved at Mecca. The patriarch had perhaps asked the archangel for ….

MONKEY, n. An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees..

Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable..

EVANGELIST, n. A bearer of good tidings, particularly (in a religious sense) such as assure us of our own salvation and the damnation of our neighbor….

Disobey n:To celebrate with an appropriate ceremony the maturity of a command.

The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity..

RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with..

PALM, n. A species of tree . . . of which the familiar "itching palm" ("Palma hominis") is most widely distributed . . . . This noble vegetable exude….

WHEAT, n. A cereal from which a tolerably good whisky can be made; . . . also for bread. The French are said to eat more bread "per capita" of popula….

Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions..

An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods..

UXORIOUSNESS, n. A perverted affection that has strayed to one's own wife..

PROVIDENTIAL, adj. Unexpectedly and conspicuously beneficial to the person so describing it..

Prejudice - a vagrant opinion without visible means of support..