Congratulations is the civility of envy..

The sum of religion, says Pythagoras, is to be like him thou worshipest. Had Pythagoras lived in our day he would have seen his mistake. The sum of m….

ILLUSTRIOUS, adj. Suitably placed for the shafts of malice, envy and detraction..

OPIATE, n. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard..

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead..

UBIQUITY, n. The gift or power of being in all places at one time, but not in all places at all times, which is omnipresence, an attribute of God and….

PRESIDE, v. To guide the action of a deliberative body to a desirable result. In Journalese, to perform upon a musical instrument; as, "He presided a….

VIRTUES, n.pl. Certain abstentions..

Epitaph: An inscription on a tomb showing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive effect..

RIMER, n. A poet regarded with indifference or disesteem..

I believe we shall come to care about people less and less. The more people one knows the easier it becomes to replace them. It's one of the curses o….

CEMETERY, n. An isolated suburban spot where mourners match lies, poets write at a target and stone-cutters spell for a wager..

BATH, n. A kind of mystic ceremony substituted for religious worship, with what spiritual efficacy has not been determined..

GRAVITATION, n. The tendency of all bodies to approach one another with a strength proportioned to the quantity of matter they contain-the quantity o….

Occident: The part of the world lying west (or east) of the Orient. It is largely inhabited by Christians, a powerful subtribe of the Hypocrites, who….

Patriotism, n. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is d….

Appetite, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question..

RECOUNT, n. In American politics, another throw of the dice, accorded to the player against whom they are loaded..

The money-getter who pleads his love of work has a lame defense, for love of work at money-getting is a lower taste than love of money..

A book which the Mohammedans foolishly believe to have been written by divine inspiration, but which Christians know to be a wicked imposture, contra….

COMFORT, n. A state of mind produced by contemplation of a neighbor's uneasiness..