He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those o….

gratitude, n. A sentiment lying midway between a benefit received and a benefit expected..

NEWTONIAN, Pertaining to a philosophy of the universe invented by Newton, who discovered that an apple will fall to the ground, but was unable to sa….

Christians and camels receive their burdens kneeling..

One of the greatest of poets, Coleridge was one of the wisest of men, and it was not for nothing that he read us this parable. Let us have a little l….

MONARCH, n. A person engaged in reigning. Formerly the monarch ruled, as the derivation of the word attests, and as many subjects have had occasion t….

April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly..

EFFECT, n. The second of two phenomena which always occur together in the same order. The first, called a Cause, is said to generate the other-which ….

A chop is a piece of leather skillfully attached to a bone and administered to the patients at restaurants..

WOMAN, n. An animal usually living in the vicinity of Man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication..

DIAPHRAGM, n. A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels..

PLATITUDE, n. The fundamental element and special glory of popular literature. A thought that snores in words that smoke. All that is mortal of a dep….

optimism, n. The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right….

PRE-EXISTENCE, n. An unnoted factor in creation..

In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity..

A subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship . . . . [H]is master works for the means wherewith to purchase t….

We must stop chasing dollars, stop lying, stop cheating, stop ignoring art, literature, and all the refining agencies and instrumentalities of civili….

The game of discontent has its rules, and he who disregards them cheats. It is not permitted to you to wish to add another's advantages or possession….

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries..

SACRED, adj. Dedicated to some religious purpose; having a divine character; inspiring solemn thoughts or emotions; as... the Cow in India; the Croco….

INK, n. A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic, and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and promote intellec….