I never get over feeling bad about tearing open a beautifully wrapped present. It takes ten seconds to destroy a work of art that took someone ten mi….

There is obviously a great human need for religion because life seems to be such a mystery..

Nothing in fine print is ever good news..

My most serious character flaw is that I don't deny myself much..

I don't pick subjects as much as they pick me..

When you get older you have to be careful about always saying, "Things aren't as good as they used to be." But it's hard not to..

One day about 10 years ago the door to my office opened and who walked in but Bill Gates.... Seemed like a nice guy and has done more with his money ….

I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If you don't return the form the area you live in migh….

Once you pass forty, a dime isn't worth bending over to pick up if you drop one..

Phyllis Schlafly speaks for all American women who oppose equal rights for themselves..

I've learned ... that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them..

Democrats believe people are basically good but must be saved from themselves by the government. Republicans believe people are basically bad but the….

Most of us believe everyone has a right to his own opinion - as long as it agrees with ours..

Did you ever notice that people who are good with a computer don't use it for much of anything except being good with a computer? They know all about….

I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that's why Bill Gates is rich, and Underwood is out of b….

Some people who hated Americans set out to kill a lot of us and they succeeded [on 9/11]....We're trying to protect ourselves with more weapons. We h….

I understand shipping - you have to expect to pay for the stamps or for the freight company - but what's this handling they always have? How much doe….

I'd like to be rich enough so I could throw soap away after the letters are worn off.

As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book..

All economists should be locked up until they admit that they don't know what they're talking about..

Most of the people in the world are good and decent if you give them a chance to be..