Great teachers are usually a little crazy..

My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "….

Those to whom his word was revealed were always alone in some remote place, like Moses. There wasn't anyone else around when Mohammed got the word ei….

I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you..

Republicans ... are conservatives who think it would be best if we faced the fact that people are no damned good. They think that if we admit that we….

Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever read….

Death is a distant rumor to the young..

Where some people may see loving grandparents, I see a pair of feckless boobs who can't drive, take way too long to shop, and don't even have the mos….

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one..

Teachers who have plugged away at their jobs for twenty, thirty, and forty years are heroes. I suspect they know in their hearts they've done a good ….

There are more beauty parlors than there are beauties..

The teacher who knows the most about a subject isn't necessarily the one who can teach it best..

The Super Bowl isn't for kids, I had a great time though and it was worth every nickel of it because by doing this lame piece about the game I can pu….

There are only a few safe targets left, just a few groups of people you can say anything negative about without getting in trouble for it. I've made ….

The great virtue of being alone is that your mind can go its own way..

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person..

The dullest Olympic sport is curling, whatever 'curling' means..

The best thing about a vacation is planning it..

Don't take a butcher's advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he'd be a chef..

Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter..

Conservatives are more religious than liberals--although there is no evidence that they're nicer people because of it..