I've learned... that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile..

Elephants and grandchildren never forget..

Let's make a statement to the airlines just to get their attention. We'll pick a week next year and we'll all agree not to go anywhere for seven days..

People waiting for an elevator don't know what to do, standing with strangers. There is nothing to do. Its an uneasy time. Some press the button repe….

I'd like to take some calculus, too. I have absolutely no ability in that direction and not much interest, either, but there's something going on in ….

No matter what any of the grammar teachers say, punctuation is an arbitrary matter. It should be used to make sentences clear..

I've learned that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with..

the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person..

Would a real man get caught eating a twinkie?.

We all ought to understand we're on our own. Believing in Santa Claus doesn't do kids any harm for a few years but it isn't smart for them to continu….

The fastest thing computers do is go obsolete..

The one affectation I have forced on the publisher... are my apostrophe-free ellisions. Because I write my scripts to read myself, I dont spell 'don'….

The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians..

Figure skating is an unlikely Olympic event but its good television. It's sort of a combination of gymnastics and ballet. A little sexy too which doe….

There's nothing people like better than being asked an easy question. For some reason, we're flattered when a stranger asks us where Maple Street is ….

In the United States alone, we spend seven times as much on war as on education. There's something wrong there. On this Memorial Day, we should certa….

Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look….

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over ….

A writer's job is to tell the truth..

Art is a by-product of an honest and successful attempt to do something well..

Love is more pleasant once you get out of your twenties. It doesn't hurt all the time..