I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me..

Human beings thrive on action. Stagnation does not wear well with us. We are said to have our origins as hunter-gatherers. We run and we chase. We ar….

I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep..

I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of con….

I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage..

As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse..

I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties..

When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so ….

Every once in a while your world stands still... There are certain friendships that are so important they leave a mark on you long after the person i….

When it came to writing about wine, I did what almost everybody does - faked it.

New York was the glamorous town that you only see now in old movies and on Broadway stages. The sky was lit up with dancing neon signs. It was safe t….

An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women..

Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life..

Television has a real problem. They have no page two. Consequently every big story gets the same play and comes across to the viewer as a really big,….

The things that matter most are not things..

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it..

If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it..

I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team..

Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, "I am not a crook." Jimmy Carter says, "I have lusted after women in my heart." Presi….

I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?.

The best things in life aren't things..