We killed 6 innocent people, launching 22, I think $3 million apiece missiles on Baghdad...that's a little bit overdoing it..

Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. Th….

It's you people dying from nothing that are screwed. I got all sorts of neat gadgets waiting for me...oxygen tent, iron lung..

If you're so pro-life, do me a favour: don't lock arms and block medical clinics. If you're so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries..

It's all about money, not freedom. If you think you're free, try going somewhere without money, okay?.

I've had good times on drugs...bad times on drugs...But I've had good and bad relationships...and I'm not giving up pussy..

How many people disapprove of the job the Conservatives are doing? Seventy percent. Of those same people, how many will vote for them again? ...Seven….

Marijuana: a drug that kills … no one – and let's put it in a time frame – ever. Illegal..

How dare you have wino tell me not to do drugs..

You know all the money we spend on nuclear weapons and defence every year? Trillions of dollars? Correct? Trillions. Instead, if we spent that money ….

not all drugs are good.. some of them are great.

....All drugs should be legal. War is wrong. The rich get richer. The poor get poorer. Thank you. I'll be here all week..

Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm killing kids. I just don't want to see it..

Be yourself on stage. Nobody else can be you and you have the law of supply and demand covered..

All your beliefs, they're just that. They're nothing. They're how you were taught and raised. That doesn't make 'em real..

Okay, I got one word to ask you, a one word question, ready?.

I hate patriotism... I can't stand it. It's a round world last time I checked..

I'd...bet enthusiasm for 'ethnic cleansing' will wane if only sticks and rocks are available for the warring parties..

People always snap and think they're Jesus. How come no one ever snaps and thinks they're Buddha?.

What before seemed a...frustrating wall, the comic deftly and fearlessly steps through, proving the absurdity of it all..

England, where no one has guns: 14 deaths. United States...23,000 deaths from handguns. But - there's no connection..