Cell phones have gotten so small, you can't tell who's a cell phone user and who's a schizophrenic..

I couldn't play off people that I don't personally like..

Stammering is different than stuttering. Stutterers have trouble with the letters, while stammerers trip over entire parts of a sentence. We stammere….

But I really believe that if you have the ability, there is an obligation to make people laugh.

In today's world, you would call my father mostly unaccessible. I'm not sure that isn't true of most fathers at that time. He went through the Depres….

I've been married forty-five years. I think laughter is the secret..

I don't have a show anymore. I don't have a check coming in every week. This is important to me, I got to score a million tonight or it could all be ….

Marriage and fatherhood heighten the disillusion that we all think we are born handy. We confidently believe that we can fix things around the house,….

I wasn't much good. When I went into the line on a fake - I would holler 'I don't have it!'.

I'm very open to the up-and-comers..

I think everyone probably starts out sounding like someone else, but gradually you develop your own sound..

The reason I'm a psychologist is based in part on my telephone routines. Much of my humor comes out of reaction to what other people are saying. A ps….

More and more, as I get older, people come up to me and say, 'Thank you for all the laughter.' And my standard answer is, 'It was my pleasure.' But t….

I think one reason for a successful marriage is laughter. I think laughter gets you through the rough moments in a marriage..

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'..

The problem is that we live in an uptight country. Why don't we just laugh at ourselves? We are funny. Gays are funny. Straights are funny. Women are….

All I can say about life is, 'Oh God, enjoy it!'.

There's gratification in making somebody laugh. It's a wonderful sound. I find myself, to this day, doing it, wanting to make people laugh..

Because of the spin-meisters and the focus groups and the way politics is run now. It's run by polls and focus groups. So it's even more true today, ….

The first time I got up in front of an audience was terror, abject terror, which continued for another four or five years. There still is, a little b….

Every new routine I have ever written and performed probably occurred extemporaneously. Then after you have fleshed it out and tried it out in front ….