There's one thing that's really great about waking up early, and it's not jogging or greeting the day - it's just that that's when they make doughnut….

I prefer big Oprah. I know Oprah wants to be skinny Oprah, but her head is too gigantic to fit on a skinny body. She has to accept that, like Kirstie….

Gwyneth Paltrow names her kid Apple. I'm not going to let that stand..

Oh, I constantly say things that I regret. I mortify myself constantly. But that's just part of the deal. I'm not really sure what's going to come ou….

Most people unfamiliar with the men in a new town might search for love until they find it. I picked out some guy on my second day in LA, who worked ….

Always and Forever is a Grandmothers love.

It was a nightmare having cameras in the house 10 hours a day for a month..

When I see you, I smile. When I touch you, I feel you. When I kiss you, I love you!.

Why would you want to keep the bluebird houses mounted in a place that you now know is unsafe for them? Bluebirds are not ornaments for pictures, the….

I do feel I'm kind of a magnet for crazy, and if there isn't enough crazy, I will insert myself in a situation that I feel has comedy potential..

My act has always reflected what's going on in my life..

I also love Mole, the unsung hero of reality programming..

My act is based on my life..

I was raised right — I talk about people behind their backs. It's called manners..

I have no limits, no filter, no class, no poise. No decorum. Just fun..

I love to make fun of fashion because it is just so silly..

I have a no-apology policy..

I'm always listening and watching; my ear is like a boom mike. And judging, frankly. Constantly judging..

I love to work. I love doing standup..

Remember, folks, I am a comedian, not a journalist..

A lot of stars don't have a sense of humor..