I was a soccer cheerleader. It doesn't get nerdier than that. I was fired from the soccer cheerleading squad after one year, which I believe to this ….

I'm not always in that good with middle-aged heterosexual men..

Well, I think that when I perform on the road I always thank the audience for buying a ticket because it's a big deal to buy a ticket for a live ente….

I'm not somebody who no matter where I go there are paparazzi or any of that nonsense. But I have a little window into that world and I can enter it ….

I am what you call a non-believer. I don't even want to say I'm an atheist because frankly I don't want to join their club either. But the point is, ….

Well, the coffeehouse audiences never know what they're going to get, and all the comics are different, as opposed to when you go to a club, and they….

Always and Forever is a Grandmothers love.

The great thing about celebrity culture is that they can't seem to stop themselves from displaying their ridiculous behaviour. I feel it's my job as ….

I can say whatever I want. So do not bring the kids. It's definitely rated R..

I grew up in Chicago and was a huge fan of 'The Second City', so when I moved to L.A., I was looking for anything that resembled that... then I start….

It was a nightmare having cameras in the house 10 hours a day for a month..

I constantly say things that I regret. I mortify myself constantly..

When I'm going to see a comedian, I don't want to see them hold back, and when I'm reading a book, I don't want to hear an abridged version..

It was sweaty Whitney (Houston) in Central Park. She knew that park pretty well. Every bush!.

I don't like doing movies, period. Movies are hard. I like TV..

The beauty about the D-list is that people who are on it probably don't know they are..

I certainly immerse myself in as many crazy Hollywood events as I can because you never know where you can pick up material..

If you see me on Friday, you'll see different material on Saturday night..

I'm not an artist. I tell inappropriate stories and jokes and I try to make people laugh..

I'm saying that she (Whitney Houston) looks great for a singer... the way Courtney Love is a singer..

Well, my whole thing with gossip is I couldn't care less if it's true..