We've had to be creative to get on the ballot..

There is a difference between who is important and who is significant..

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail..

My plan is to bring back like the Bracero Program from 1944 that ran for 20 years where the Mexican government vets these people. I mean, they pay fo….

Jerry Jones and Chris Christie are probably the most important latent homosexual relationship since Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson..

If you're lookin' for a helpin' hand, try the one at the end of your arm..

The only thing that really differentiates Texas from any other place in the world is the proclivity of its people to urinate outdoors and to attach a….

I'm also for gay marriage, because I say they have every right to be just as miserable as the rest of us. Love is bigger than government. And Texas, ….

My goal as a young man, to be fat, famous and financially fixed by 50..

I don't apologize to people who try to intimidate..

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest..

Always beware of people offering you one-time money. That only works in an election year. How are you going to permanently pay for education?.

Sleep came slower than a frigid woman..

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough..

Young people are the key to this election..

I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us..

God created whiskey to keep the Irish from taking over the world..

My three favorite travel writers of all time are Robert Louis Stevenson, Graham Greene, and Chuck Thompson. Smile When You're Lying not only tells th….

And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians..