I will say, too, that lovemaking, if sincere, is one of the best ideas Satan put in the apple she gave to the serpent to give to Eve. The best idea i….

If you can do no good, at least do no harm..

What a bummer it is to be a human being..

As Marilee and I were dressing, I whispered to her that I loved her with all my heart. What else was there to say? 'You don't. You can't,' she said..

I said I wasn't interested, and she was bright enough to say that she wasn't really interested either. As things turned out, we both overestimated ou….

The triumph of anything is a matter of organization..

What antidote can there be for an idea that popular and poisonous? Revenge provides revenge, which is sure to provide revenge, forming an endless cha….

I pity the Jews trying to get through life with only half a Bible. That's like trying to get from here to San Francisco with a road map that stops at….

It seems to me divorce is so common now. It ought to be more institutionalized. It's like a head-on collision every time. It's supposed to be a surpr….

[People] want to feel superior, so they imagine we're Bible thumpers and uneducated and all that..

Eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die..

We're terrible animals. I think that the Earth's immune system is trying to get rid of us, as well it should..

Even as I speak, the very last polar bear may be dying of hunger on account of climate change, on account of us. And I sure miss the polar bears. The….

Well, we are terribly divided politically, yes, and, you know, I don't mean to intimidate you and your listeners but I have a master's degree in anth….

It is almost always a mistake to mention Abraham Lincoln. He always steals the show..

His mother understood my illness immediately, that it was my world rather than myself that was diseased..

Roses are red, And ready for plucking, You're sixteen, And ready for high school..

That was what made them so hilarious and unafraid. That was the strength of the Nazis. [...] They understood God better than anyone. They knew how to….

The more pain I train myself to stand, the more I learn. You are afraid of pain now, Unk, but you won't learn anything if you don't invite the pain. ….

Sometimes I wonder if he wasn't born dead. I never met a man who was less interested in the living. Sometimes I think that's the trouble with the wor….

The dog, who had sounded so ferocious in the winter distances, was a female German Shepherd. She was shivering. Her tail was between her legs. She ha….