Jack Benny, Fred Allen. Their jokes were wonderful. It takes skill to be funny. The timing of Jack Benny was so fine. It is a form of genius for whic….

The words were a paraphrase of the suggestion of Jesus: "Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's." Bokonon's paraphrase was this: ….

We are healthy only to the extent that our ideas are humane..

Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fud….

If Jesus was alive today, we would kill him with lethal injection. I call that progress. We would have to kill him for the same reason he was killed ….

I want a military funeral when I die—the bugler, the flag on the casket, the ceremonial firing squad, the hallowed ground.... It will be a way of ach….

For some reason, the most vocal Christians among us never mention the Beatitudes (Matthew 5). But, often with tears in their eyes, they demand that t….

Novelists have, on the average, about the same IQs as the cosmetic consultants at Bloomingdale’s department store. Our power is patience. We have dis….

To practice any art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow. So do it..

We went to the New York World's Fair, saw what the past had been like, according to the Ford Motor Car Company and Walt Disney, saw what the future w….

One of the things I'm going to say out there is how grateful I am - and how grateful the world is - for the tremendous gift of the black people, of j….

I keep losing and regaining my equilibrium, which is the basic plot of all popular fiction. And I myself am a work of fiction..

If I am going to spend eternity visiting this moment and that, I'm grateful that so many of those moments are nice..

I'm not a drug salesman. I'm a writer..

If what Billy Pilgrim learned from the Tralfamadorians is true, that we will all live forever, no matter how dead we may sometimes seem to be, I am n….

kar.a.bek.i.an (n.); (from Rabo Karabekian, U.S. 20th Cent. painter). Fiasco in which a person causes total destruction of own work and reputation th….

I'm not a drug salesman. I'm a writer." "What makes you think a writer isn't a drug salesman?.

Alcohol and marijuana, if used in moderation, plus loud, usually low-class music, make stress and boredom infinitely more bearable..

One good thing about TV is, if you die violently, God forbid, on camera, you will not have died in vain because you will be great entertainment..

In 1844, Karl Marx said, "Religion is the opiate of the masses." He said this at a time when opium and opium derivatives were the only painkillers. A….

What made marriage so difficult back then was yet again that instigator of so many other sorts of heartbreak: the oversize brain..