I'll go and see anything so long as it amuses me, or moves me. If it doesn't do either I want to go home..

Any part of the piggy Is quite all right with me Ham from Westphalia, ham from Parma Ham as lean as the Dalai Lama Ham from Virginia, ham from York, ….

Never mind, dear, we're all made the same, though some more than others..

Running is the classical road to self-consciousn ess, self-awareness and self-reliance. Independence is the outstanding characteristic of a runner. H….

Though the fact that they have to be rebuilt And frequently mortgaged to the hilt Is inclined to take the gilt Off the gingerbread, And certainly dam….

My philosophy is as simple as ever - smoking, drinking, moderate sexual intercourse on a diminishing scale, reading and writing (not arithmetic). I h….

Mona Lisa looks as if she has just been sick, or is about to be..

There are bad times just around the corner, There are dark clouds travelling through the sky, And it's no good whining, About a silver lining, For we….

You always ought to have tom cats arranged, you know - it makes 'em more companionable..

Wit is like caviar - it should be served in small portions and not spread about like marmalade..

Here ends the story of a ship, but there will always be other ships, for we are an island race. Through all our centuries, the sea has ruled our dest….

Thousands of people have talent. I might as well congratulate you for having eyes in your head. The one and only thing that counts is: Do you have st….

As one gets older, one discovers everything is going to be exactly the same with different hats on..

The Stately Homes of England, How beautiful they stand, To prove the Upper Classes, Have still the Upper Hand..

Dear 338171 (May I call you 338?).

In the first act, you get the audience's attention - once you have it, they will repay you in the second. Play through the laughs if you have to. It ….

An infant prodigy of nine is shoved upon the stage in white. She starts off in a dismal whine about a dark and stormy night, a burglar, whose heart i….

Marriage is the aftermath of love..

That strange feeling we had in the war. Have you found anything in your lives since to equal it in strength? A sort of splendid carelessness it was, ….

I never cared who scored the goal, or which side won the silver cup. I never learned to bat or bowl; but I heard the curtain going up..