I don't think I'll ever be a real boat reporter. My Rolex isn't big enough..

Visiting Future World is like opening a Chinese fortune cookie to read, "Soon you'll be finished with dinner.".

The founding fathers, in their wisdom, devised a method by which our republic can take one hundred of its most prominent numbskulls and keep them out….

We should never hesitate to listen to a fool about life because life is pretty foolish as far as I can tell..

If the Japanese want to be taken seriously as world financial powers, they'd better quit using the same tailor as variety show chimps..

What about snipers?" I once asked someone. He said, "Oh, most of the snipers have automatic weapon. They arent very accurate..

The U.S. tax code was written by A students. Every April 15 we have to pay somebody who got an A in accounting to keep ourselves from being sent to j….

So what if I don't agree with the Democrats? What's to disagree with? They believe everything. And what they don't believe, the Republicans do. Neith….

If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult..

Rich white Protestant men have held on to some measure of power in America almost solely by getting women, blacks, and other disadvantaged groups to ….

Taxi drivers all over the world, by the way, are under Newspaper Guild contract to give easy quotes to foreign correspondents..

Los Angeles is many places in one place..

If the dollar weakens, then presumably all the things that we make in the United States - Buicks, for instance - can be sold cheap all over the world….

Coffee and cigarettes are much better if you want an instant breakfast..

During the mid-1980s dairy farmers decided there was too much cheap milk at the supermarket. So the government bought and slaughtered 1.6 million dai….

A good bachelor drinks his dessert (and sometimes the rest of his meals). A sweet tooth is a danger signal that you're getting too much exercise and ….

Mankind is supposed to have evolved in the treetops. But I have examined my sense of balance, the prehensility of my various appendages, and my attit….

My Grandmother wouldn't even speak the word Democrat if there were children in the room, she'd say Bastards instead..

You can always reason with a German. You can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does..

I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've done as a 'learning exp….

The idea of a news broadcast once was to find someone with information and broadcast it. The idea now is to find someone with ignorance and spread it….