You'll note that politicians no longer spend money, they invest it. Don't worry about paying more to the [IRS]. You aren't being taxed; you're taking….

Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce..

Worshiping the earth is more fun than going to church. It's also closer..

God has no role to play in politics except to make sure politicians go where they belong. To hell..

You read [Bill ] Maher's book, and he didn't take Econ 101. All his arguments about gasoline, it's not that they're right or wrong - they're just not….

Then there was communism's weak-tea sister, socialism. Socialists maintained that we shouldn't take all the money away from all the people since all ….

Lampoon was a very collegial operation, though "collegial" usually means "friendly" and it wasn't that friendly. But we were tight, like a family..

Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue..

Rich parents are famous both for miserliness and astonishing longevity. And, when they finally do die, you'll find they've left their estate in invio….

If you're doing a column, you kind of have to. Like in the back of Sports Illustrated, Rick Reilly has to find something to be mad about. It's not re….

Jesse Jackson was spending time with his family, or families..

I arrived in the middle of a press conference - as boring a thing to sit through if you don't know the language as it is if you do..

I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it..

A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something brussel sprouts never do..

Good manners can replace morals. It may be years before anyone knows if what you are doing is right. But if what you are doing is nice, it will be im….

Passover is my idea of a perfect holiday. Dear God, when you're handing out plagues of darkness, locusts, hail, boils, flies, lice, frogs, and cattle….

Gay marriage acceptance is happening in the blink of an eye..

No one has ever had a fantasy about being tied to a bed and sexually ravished by someone dressed as a liberal.

As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one w….

Detroits industrial ruins are picturesque, like crumbling Rome in an 18th-century etching..

If Disney still wants to make Epcot Center futuristic, they could do so by blowing the place up with an atom bomb..