So where did these cravings come from? I concluded it's the baby ordering in. Prenatal takeout. Even without ever being in a restaurant, fetuses deve….

As you get older you realize your parents don't look so dumb - and that you're not as smart as you thought you were..

They're not the sharpest people - babies. So, you must be everything to them..

You know, the fact that every morning you get a script in your mailbox, that's going to stop. All these little pedestrian, mundane things. And the ca….

We all hold on to some image of the family we want, based one way or another on the family we had. Lots of people are thrilled about the families the….

They don't see that whole pattern. Worm/death. Worm/death. I would catch on..

But you get past that and realize you have to let go of what you think you want. There'll be plenty of time for that later. Right now, go and be with….

A friend told me to listen to my heart. Another friend told me to listen to my gut. Maybe I need an autopsy, because right now my colon is kind of if….

Why do you think people close their eyes when they kiss? Think about it. In the real world, if you saw someone an-inch-and-a-half away, coming at you….

People come up to us and ask how we knew so much about their own family... I'm talking about people from faraway places, too. I get people from Turke….

We had the boy's name picked out, but we didn't have a girl's. When he turned out to be a boy, we were so relieved. Literally, in the middle of contr….

From the minute we're born, boys and girls stare at each other, trying to figure out if they like what they see. Like parade lines, passing each othe….

There was a period where our child's birth was getting really close, and we still had nothing. We were dangerously close to calling him Untitled Baby….

Two or three times a week, I drive by the houses of numbers 78-100 just to rub it in..

In the history of life, no good news has followed that sentence ["We have to talk."]..

I remember my wife and I used to get on plane and see everybody else with their babies. They'd be putting strollers and car seats up above, and we'd ….

In the original draft I was 27 and Peter was 55 in the script. That's not the same as a guy in his 40s and a dad in the end of his 70s. It's a differ….

The most challenging part of being a dad is trying to postpone the moment when they realize you don't know anything. I love any sentence that begins ….

Three has always been tougher than Two. Think of any of your famous threesomes. The Three Stooges? Look at the anger there. My bet is that before Cur….

The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering..

Peanut butter and lamb chops were not foods that had ever been a significant part of our life before pregnancy. In fact, my wife almost never ate eit….