The mistakes that I made I made because I drank too much. I don't think that's going to happen any more. Am I going to make mistakes as a parent? Sad….

I'm thankful for Sarah Palin's vice presidential bid, which taught us that Alaska is not in a box off the coast of California..

I hate it when my hair is engaged in unauthorized activities..

My problem, I try to teach my kids to eat healthy food. But you get a cantaloupe, and you don't know when it's going to come of age. You have no idea….

I've always thought that if my death was imminent, I would read. When I can't focus on a book, I tend to keep reading the same page. My guess is, I w….

Speaking of happy successes, after years of struggling to lose those few extra pounds every mother puts on during adoption, particularly when the doc….

I confess that when I first read that smog is particularly hazardous to children, senior citizens, and physically active people, for a brief moment I….

I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings..

I like to work on New Year's Eve. It has a nice spirit; a nice feel about it. If you are all about the 'year-end' thing at all, then laughing with fe….

I have a horrible memory and I used to consider that a liability, but I've learned along the way that talking to people is really a beautiful thing..

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name and apparently that's the key to the whole thing right there. I go in every ….

I don't like sex ... I'm a single working mom with nine cats, a dog-shark, a lizard, and a bunny. I don't go to bed, I pass out. The idea that I'd ge….

It's funny that we think of libraries as quiet demure places where we are shushed by dusty, bun-balancing, bespectacled women. The truth is libraries….

I'm thankful that my memory is good because my vision is going..

My act is sort of improvisational. I have a skeleton in my head, but no fat or skin on it..

I can make things, but I don't cook them, exactly. Like salmon, I can stick that in a pan. Or the other day I made noodles, but they were hard. It ne….

When a woman extends her hand for you to shake it, then you shake her hand. You do not turn it up and kiss it. And it is just so creepy. Because, you….

I used to watch 'The Waltons' and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family..

My mom is one of those really angry moms who gets mad at absolutely everything. Once when I was a little kid, I accidentally knocked a Flintstones gl….

I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge..

If only someone would do for cows what Bambi did for deer. Cows have been in films, but they haven't starred. I'm still willing to eat a species that….