After my 1985 appearance on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, I was wooed by producers in Hollywood, who told me they wanted to turn my act in….

Everything on this earth right now is about labor and slavery. War is the only American export left that anyone wants to buy..

I try to tell people to keep having hope. It's always what you don't know and don't expect that's gonna be so great..

To expect life to treat you good is foolish as hoping a bull won't hit you because you are a vegetarian..

It's not really the job of a public servant to inspire, but to get the job that the people demand done. The Democrats think that if they have hope an….

I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and I feel they should all worship me. That's what I told my kids..

I hate alcoholics and AA (alcoholics anonymous). If you can't drink responsibly, don't drink at all. Don't go to meetings, whine about your character….

I want to be the girl in Indiana Jones. I would love to do an adventure movie where I was saving the world. It might be cool if I used a lot of kitch….

Somewhere within the concept of justice, the worst of the guilty must always be removed. I cannot divorce this, not completely. The people must have ….

Growing up in a Jewish matriarchal world inside the patriarchal paradise of Salt Lake City, Utah, gave me increased perspective on gender issues, as ….

A good man doesn't just happen. They have to be created by us women. A guy is a lump like this doughnut..

Sometimes for me not throwing a tantrum is what running a marathon or swimming the English Channel must be like for others of a less-challenging emot….

Hillary Clinton and Barack Hussein Obama cannot win, and they are put in place to assure a victory by Mitt Romney... this is the plan of all the insu….

I actually regard Facebook as a huge bore, but I cannot refrain from participating in it. I guess I crave the feeling of hope it gives me to think th….

I never do anything fun, because I'm a housewife. I hate that word 'housewife.' I prefer to be called 'domestic goddess.'.

I simply care nothing for any of your religions, as all three are fundamentally flawed, unlike the Church of Common Sense, right from the start! They….

I want to eat, cook, meet famous people and make fun of them..

Both the Democratic and Republican parties are bought and paid for by corporate America and cater to the needs of the highest bidder as opposed to th….

I'm never going to get married again. Three strikes, you're out. I think if I would try to get married again in California, I have to go to prison, d….

I'm a comic, and I'm supposed to outrage and make people laugh, Part of makin' people laugh is to shake up their thinkin'. That's what I came here to….

I was raised on government cheese. As an adult, in my first marriage, my husband and I worked real hard just to go bankrupt. I happened to write some….