Our goal should be to develop work-life policies that enable people to put their gender values into practice. So let's stop arguing about the hard choices women make and help more women and men avoid such hard choices.
Labeling people single parents, for example, when they may in fact be co-parenting - either with an unmarried other parent in the home or with an ex-spouse in a joint custody situation - stigmatizes their children as the products of 'single parenthood' and makes the uncounted parent invisible to society.
Interpretation
What this quote means
The quote highlights the importance of recognizing all forms of parenting and the impact of labeling on children.
Stephanie Coontz's quote addresses the misconception surrounding the term 'single parent,' emphasizing that such labels can diminish the importance of co-parenting arrangements. The labeling not only stigmatizes children by portraying them as products of single-parent households but also ignores the role of other parents, whether they live in the same home or share custody, thus contributing to the invisibility of their contributions to parenting and family dynamics.
Themes
In practice
Example use cases
During a panel discussion on modern parenting, this quote can be used to highlight the importance of understanding diverse family structures.
More from Stephanie Coontz
All quotes →It no longer makes sense to see singlehood and marriage as two distinct and stable social categories that should be accorded different legal rights and social esteem.
Economically as well as emotionally, modern marriage has become like an affluent gated community. It has become harder for low-income Americans to enter and sustain.
In my work as a historian and in my relationships as a friend, teacher, wife, and mother, I have come to think that the most useful way to understand the past and make it work for you is to look at the trade-offs and contradictions that, however deeply buried, can be uncovered in every memory, good or bad.
We must recognize that there are healthy as well as unhealthy ways to be single or to be divorced, just as there are healthy and unhealthy ways to be married.
As soon as love became the driving force behind marriage, people began to demand the right to remain single if they had not found love or to divorce if they fell out of love.
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We all want to get along well with other people, and one way to do this is to help people feel good about themselves. If you make a person feel smart and insightful, that person will enjoy your company.
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This is something caregivers have to understand: You have to ask for help. You have to realize that you deserve to ask for help. Because you need to keep on working on your own life.