Forgiveness flounders because I exclude the enemy from the community of humans and myself from the community of sinners.
If we can exit a relationship, pressure to reconcile lessens; if we must live with those who have wronged us, we are pushed to reconcile.
Interpretation
What this quote means
The quote suggests that the ability to leave a relationship reduces the urge to reconcile, while being forced to stay requires a reconciliation effort.
Miroslav Volf's quote highlights the distinction between voluntary and involuntary relationships. When individuals have the option to leave a relationship, the pressure to make amends diminishes, as the escape route provides an emotional safety net. Conversely, when one is obligated to remain in a relationship with those who have caused harm, the situation compels them to seek reconciliation, illustrating how the nature of our commitments influences our interpersonal dynamics.
Themes
In practice
Example use cases
During a workshop on conflict resolution, this quote can illustrate the differing pressures involved in reconciling with family members versus friends.
More from Miroslav Volf
All quotes βLove properly understood is Godβthe font of all creation and the ultimate goal of all desires; God properly understood is love.
If no one remembers a misdeed or names it publically, it remains invisible. To the observer, its victim is not a victim and its perpetrator is not a perpetrator; both are misperceived because the suffering of the one and the violence of the other go unseen. A double injustice occurs-the first when the original deed is done and the second when it disappears.
There is no space in which worship should not take place, no time when it should not occur, and no activity through which it should not happen.
To affirm that God is God is to want to live in a particular way.
Some of the worst violence in the world today between estranged religious and ethnic groups happens not on the battlefields. It happens smack in the middle of living rooms and between people who share a lot, who have a lot in common.
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Good bye may seem forever. Farewell is like the end, but in my heart is the memory and there you will always be.