I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed.

Like other parties of the kind, it was first silent, then talky, then argumentative, then disputatious, then unintelligible, then altogether, then inarticulate, and then drunk. When we had reached the last step of this glorious ladder, it was difficult to get down again without stumbling.

I would not want to live if I could not perform. It's in my will. I am not to be revived unless I can do an hour of stand-up.

Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for people with attention spans.

She looked at nice young men as if she could smell their stupidity.

A month's salary, deep regret, the telephone number of some foul rehab clinic and my lance was free.