Never build yourself up by tearing another down..
Comedians still make fun of Bill's out-of-control appetites, but with Hillary, the mockery is about how she lets nothing be out of control..
I just don't like being told what to do..
I never take myself too seriously..
I have late onset ADHD. I take on too much and end up spinning plates, but its entertaining, and it helps you make quick connections if youre a comed….
If there's anything I like better than honey and ketchup, it's baloney and whipped cream --- and we haven't got any!.
It's annoying when people do that so-called comedians impression of me when it's stupid nonsense..
As comedians, we have the opportunity to convey a message that will have an effect. The best can make you laugh and cry, the way musicians and actors….
Go where youre celebrated - not just tolerated..
Never really intended to be a comedian, just sort of fell into that, but always wanted to be in show business, or something to do with making comedy..
There must be nothing in my daily conduct that, copied by another, could lead that one into unholiness..
I've always dressed like a dude..
I don't take things off. I either check things off or I add things..
I don't like Kublai Khan, let's just kill him off!.
What belongs to someone, belongs to someone..
I like idolator.com a lot. Every once in a while they shred me on there, but it's usually pretty funny..
I never thought I was wasted, but I probably was..
'Friends' was a magical thing, and no one's going to ever have anything like that again..
Comedians by and large are some of the most sensitive people on earth. Even if they're socially callous..
Am I the Irish comedian with half a finger? No, I'm the Irish comedian with nine and a half fingers..
They are the we of me..