Quotes on Funny

I find no sweeter fat than sticks to my own bones.

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?

My true friends have always given me that supreme proof of devotion, a spontaneous aversion for the man I loved.

You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants.

If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones.

Don't marry a man to reform him - that's what reform schools are for.

There is an ancient Celtic axiom that says 'Good people drink good beer.' Which is true, then as now. Just look around you in any public barroom and you will quickly see: Bad people drink bad beer. Think about it.

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.

I don't know which is more discouraging, literature or chickens.

The printing press is either the greatest blessing or the greatest curse of modern times, sometimes one forgets which it is.

Freedom of the press is guaranteed only to those who own one.

Money is like love; it kills slowly and painfully the one who withholds it, and enlivens the other who turns it on his fellow man.

I had explained that a woman's asking for equality in the church would be comparable to a black person's demanding equality in the Ku Klux Klan

I was foreign and Jewish, with a funny name, and was very small and hated sport, a real problem at an English prep school. So the way to get round it was to become the school joker, which I did quite effectively - I was always fooling around to make the people who would otherwise dump me in the loo laugh.

Every man over forty is a scoundrel.

The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.

The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.