I have good kids, I love my kids. I try to bring them up the right way, not spanking them. I find that I don't have to spank them. I find that waving….

I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?.

I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over….

Everyone should have an evil secret plan..

First law on holes - when you're in one, stop digging!.

It shouldn't be too much of a surprise that the Internet has evolved into a force strong enough to reflect the greatest hopes and fears of those who ….

I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,' 'goodbye,' and 'I'm pregnant.'.

Show me the books he loves and I shall know the man far better than through mortal friends..

A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer..

I would rather be loved by somebody who respected me..

I've always approached screenplays and so forth with, "How would it really happen?" Not "What's the movie version?" but "What's the real-life version….

There’s a period of time in your life when I kind of look back, and I’m like, was I happy, or was I just not aware?.

There is no difference between religion and politics. Both involve lies and fanatical beliefs that generaly defy logic... Just like rock climbing..

I'll be one of the Who's of Whoville..

Very often, I don't make it through moments of recording because it is genuinely funny and absolutely ridiculous that a 60-year-old grown man is maki….

My boss at Christmas was a lot of fun: "I want you to look in your pay envelopes and you'll know that I keep the Christmas spirit around here. Becau….

I have no wisdom and nothing useful to tell you - I only mentioned this because it came into my head..

Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I've never woken up and been like, 'What is this Pilates mat doing out?'.

The mark of greatness is when everything before you is obsolete, and everything after you bears your mark..

We get to see it! January 1st, 2000! We get to see... all those fundamentalist preachers having to do their backpedaling when the Armageddon doesn't ….

In New York, you are constantly faced with this very urgent decision that you have to make, about every twenty minutes...you have to decide, immediat….