Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those ki….

You see a guy with one leg, he's got a story. "Land mine '69." You see a guy with one arm, he's got a story, too. "Snow blower, bottle of whiskey." Y….

So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly 'cause my dad used to beat me with a globe..

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike..

You know what my drink is? Jack Daniel's. Yes, that is a wild man drink. That should come with bail money, you know what I'm saying? Because on Jack,….

Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas..

All great acheivements require time..

There's a fine line between masturbating while you look out a window, and masturbating while you're looking in a window. I'll give you a hint: one of….

Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don't you? "Damn I got to get the hell out of here!" "What was I thinking!".

Don't get me wrong, I like to cuddle. But there is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so that they can't get away..

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin..

A brand not responding on Twitter is like hanging up the phone on customers. With millions watching..

I've always been in music. I started out in music, and I will continue to do music..

Get out the rye bread and mustard grandma, cause it's GRAND SALAMI TIME!.

There have been times when I felt suicidal and I would stop my head from going in that direction of negativity because I thought there'd be something….

You can't get rid of a part that makes you you and be happy..

Basketballs dont hold grudges!.

Kissing babies and hugging fat girls..

The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It's dismissive. "I don't understand this person. So they're crazy." That's bullshit. These people are not….

You know you must be doing something right if old people like you..

Every black American is bilingual. All of them. We speak street vernacular and we speak 'job interview.'.