Welcome to my garage. This is where I go to get away from the Honey-Do list..

My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried..

I woke up. I was like, "Look, you can do anything you want - and you want a lot of things, so you should get to work.".

"Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Limp!".

Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it..

The asp doth on his feeder feed..

A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy" The man says, "I want a second opinion!" "Okay, you're ugly too!".

And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealt….

I regard the writing of humor as a supreme artistic challenge..

My whole family thinks I'm gay, I guess it's always been that way. Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk, Makes them think I like... boys..

I just want to get the most money I can..

The Doctor says, "You'll live to be 60!" "I AM 60!" "See, what did I tell you?".

I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. ... That can keep me awake for days..

You got to go along to get along..

The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions.

Life begins when we decide it's going to begin for us..

Whenever I get into something, I shut out everything else..

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be..

The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs..

Humor is everywhere in that there's irony in just about anything a human does..

the more you live the more things reflect all around you!!!!.