I am who I choose to be. I have always been what I chose, though not always what I pleased..

Always be more than you appear and never appear to be more than you are..

All religions do not point to God.

All in all, I wouldn't call it a bad outing. It was a short outing..

All in all, death is something like marriage..

So, it's good to be here, wherever I am..

All but God is changing day by day..

And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant? An ironic way to die..

I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off!.

A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!.

We've got to get in to get out..

Just beat my record for most consecutive days without dying..

Three weeks ago, she learned how to drive. Last week she learned how to aim it..

I don't really shout that much..

I pulled the boy close to me and said you see that girl, thats my only lil girl. So if you think about huggin or kissin. Remember these words. I aint….

I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just th….

I could never be James Bond..

Faith creates nothing; it simply reckons upon that which is already there..

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on..

2 Jewish women in New York. One says, "Do you see what's going on in Poland?" The other says, "I live in the back, I don't see anything.".

And I don't like to work. I only like working when I'm working..