Get it right in your head - and you'll get it right in your life..

My son is 21. He'll be 22 if I let him..

A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out..

I'm sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically..

Why does the New Italian navy have glass bottom boats? To see the Old Italian Navy!.

A Polish man in a helicopter. Goes up to 800 feet. Down it comes! What happened? "It got chilly up there, so I turned off the fan!".

She has a wash and wear bridal gown..

I asked a Jewish man, "Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?" He said, "Yes", and walked away..

"What's the latest dope on Wall Street?" "My son!".

How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O.

I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department..

Often we will learn more from our failures than we do from our successes..

Love more and openly..

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery..

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out..

He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face..

I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, 'What's wrong?' Nothing. 'Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.' Y….

My wife loves to shop at Bloomingdale's. I bring her mail there twice a week..

My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'.

Thank God for Darwin, eh?.

The less inhibited you are the better..