American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it..

Confound these ancestors... They've stolen our best ideas!.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous..

I thought "RV" stood for "Recreational Vehicle." No! It stands for "Ruins Vacations.".

Women like being kissed..

Happiness is not a place - it is a direction..

A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!".

A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No" says the cop. "What about all these other cars?" "They didn't ask!".

Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?.

The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail..

My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator..

A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!".

Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do….

Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished..

She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, "Tut, Tut!".

Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work, driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for, in order to get to a job ….

The righteous one has no sense of humor..

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready..

Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger..

I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion!.

Ever notice that people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created ….