Explore Quotes on Humor

Male comics are always coming up to me and they're like 'Hey Natasha. Don't you think you're a little attractive to be a comedian?' and I'm like 'Don't you think you're a little ugly to be talking to me?'

I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?

You just be honest about who you are, and if you dont end up with any friends, then good for you.

I’ll always be doing stand-up as long as people are still interested in seeing me.

In my mind, there is nothing so illiberal, and so ill-bred, as audible laughter.

Living in England, provincial England, must be like being married to a stupid but exquisitely beautiful wife.

When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.

Action is the foundational key to all success.

I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.

I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'

Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?

When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.

England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'.

My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.

Well, my brother says 'Hello.' So, hooray for speech therapy.

My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe.

I caught my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. So I said, "Get off of me, you two!"

In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.

People always ask me, 'Where were you when Kennedy was shot?' Well, I don't have an alibi.

I ran five miles today. Then, finally, I said, 'Here, lady...take your purse.'

I'm a great lover, I'll bet.