You can always reason with a German. You can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does..

You have to have been a Republican to know how good it is to be a Democrat..

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them..

America is not a wily, sneaky nation. We don't think that way. We don't think much at all, thank God. Start thinking and pretty soon you get ideas, a….

College football is a game which would be much more interesting if the faculty played instead of the students, and even more interesting if the trust….

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something..

I always advise people never to give advice..

Whatever the occasion, do not neglect alcohol. No other refreshment will do. Yes, alcohol kills brain cells, but it's very selective. It only kills t….

If you don't know what to do with many of the papers piled on your desk, stick a dozen colleagues initials on them and pass them along. When in doubt….

The longer I am out of office, the more infallible I appear to myself..

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum..

Modern air travel means less time spent in transit. That time is now spent in transit lounges..

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are th….

I was told to hand over my disposable lighter, to prevent, I suppose, any threat of "Do what I say or I'll light this Marlboro and you'll all die - i….

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo..

The sky was so clear that the starlight cast shadows, and so many sparkles and glitters and glints appeared above us that it looked like something re….

You know how it is with some girls. They seem to take the stuffing right out of you. I mean to say, there is something about their personality that p….

Moscow has changed. I was here in 1982, during the Brezhnev twilight, and things are better now. For instance, they've got litter. In 1982 there was ….

Anyhow, all mankind's ideas and interests, all human aims and motives, are exhibited, fully formed, in a three-year-old child. The kid is just operat….

I was a Teletype operator in the army, so that's where I learned to type. One day, I went downstairs to see if I could still type - I hadn't done it ….

Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded..