The principal purpose of the Democratic Party is to use the force of government to take property away from the people who earn it and give it to peop….

I never wanted to go on stage alone because if you mess up, who can you blame?.

The world's strongest animals are plant eaters. Gorillas, Buffaloes, Elephants and me..

After creating the heaven, the earth, the ocean, and the entire animal kingdom, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was "Do….

Mrs. Boffin, insisting that Bella should make tomorrow's expedition in the chariot, she went home in great grandeur. Mrs. Wilfer and Miss Lavinia had….

If you could see my legs when I take my boots off, you'd form some idea of what unrequited affection is..

I have no further use for America. I wouldn't go back there if Jesus Christ was President..

"Vell," said Mr. Weller, "Now I s'pose he'll want to call some witnesses to speak to his character, or p'raps to prove a alleybi. I've been a turnin'….

Manhandling the open here spout on a milk carton so badly that one has to resort to using the illegal side..

When I was young, I believed in three things: Marxism, the redemptive power of cinema, and dynamite. Now I just believe in dynamite..

You'd be amazed how much research you can get done when you have no life whatsoever..

The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old..

Nicknames stick to people, and the most ridiculous are the most adhesive..

There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do..

If you talk to God, you are praying; If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia..

Dombey sat in the corner of the darkened room in the great arm-chair by the bedside, and Son lay tucked up warm in a little basket bedstead, carefull….

Bob Dole revealed he is one of the test subjects for Viagra. He said on Larry King, 'I wish I had bought stock in it.' Only a Republican would think ….

I don't think women's prisons are environments for dance routines, and I don't think mass murder is humorous..

There is a vast difference between the savage and the civilized man, but it is never apparent to their wives until after breakfast..

My grandfather's a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One day, he took me aside and left me there..

Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative..