If the Japanese want to be taken seriously as world financial powers, they'd better quit using the same tailor as variety show chimps..

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence..

Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing..

Time is a circus, always packing up and moving away..

In the majority of cases, conscience is an elastic and very flexible article.

What medicines do not heal, the lance will; what the lance does not heal, fire will..

In Paris, the greatest expression of personal satisfaction known to man is the smirk on the face of a male, highly pleased with himself as he leaves ….

"It's an old habit of mine, Wal'r," said the Captain, "any time these fifty year. When you see Ned Cuttle bite his nails, Wal'r, then you may know th….

Gimme a pigfoot and a bottle of beer..

He appeared to enjoy beyond everything the sound of his own voice. I couldn't wonder at that, for it was mellow and full and gave great importance to….

Italians come to ruin most generally in three ways, women, gambling, and farming. My family chose the slowest one..

There's nothing on it worthwhile, and we're not going to watch it in this household, and I don't want it in your intellectual diet..

There are artists with palettes and easels selling the kind of modern art that Soviet art critics used to critique with bulldozers. Judging by the pa….

Meanwhile, fears of universal disaster sank to an all time low over the world..

Give God the margin of eternity to justify himself..

What doesn't kill you makes you smaller.

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech..

I really like the Observer. I think I'd love to have a column with a broad reach that would enable me to do some proper reporting, but keep it on sor….

Quebec from the boat looked like the ramparts where Hamlet's ghost might have walked..

A cigar has "...a fire at one end and a fool at the other.".

The British suffer from a most unfortunate superiority complex - unjustified even under Victoria and most certainly hopelessly out-of-date today..