Quotes on Humorous

The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

If a President of the United States ever lied to the American people, he should resign.

All science is either physics or stamp collecting.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.

To educate a man in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to society.

Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.

Modern medicine is a negation of health. It isn't organised to serve human health, but only itself, as an institution. It makes more people sick than it heals.

Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it.

I've always been intrigued with the variety of answers this generation will give their children who ask, "Where did I come from, Mommy?" They will range from "Number 176 vial in Buffalo, New York," to "You were defrosted."

Anyone who isn't confused really doesn't understand the situation.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass.

I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.

Americans are like a rich father who wishes he knew how to give his son the hardships that made him rich.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

The ladies men admire, I've heard, Would shudder at a wicked word. Their candle gives a single light, They'd rather stay at home at night. They do not keep awake 'till three, Nor read erotic poetry. They never sanction the impure, Nor recognize an overture. They shrink from powders and from paints... So far I've had no complaints.